This novel long entry is more for me to sort out life and explain why I have a cold sore caused by stress and a mommy meltdown last Sunday.
Everyone is crazy busy, right?
Everyone feels like there are not enough hours in the day to complete the tasks needed to be done. Everyone wishes for more time to get X, Y and Z done and move on to the next thing.
Everyone has a planner that is jam packed with events and reminders.
If this is true for everyone, then why do I feel like I'm doing it wrong? I feel like my busy is too much. I know not everyone leads the same life, but I thought I was normal in what we did week to week.
I know life can get crazy at times, but I try really hard to avoid the crazy.
Tyson and I are planners through and through. And we don't deviate from the plan very frequently.
We keep ourselves very busy. There is a lot out there that we have our hands in. But because we plan and work well together, we come pretty prepared for what we need to face.
Tyson works 10-12 hours day on the regular, Monday through Friday, and on occasion he puts in some Saturday hours. The stress of his job has been weighing him down so greatly. Never in our nearly 9 years of marriage have I seen Tyson in a constant state of stress and anxiety.
He holds a church calling (unpaid) that takes him away from the home for most of the Sunday hours and some of his time during the week to schedule, email and contact others.
He may find an hour of time at night to read scriptures, his current book or watch a quick show.
If it's Monday night, he's watching The Office and folding all of our family's laundry that I have washed and dried that day.
Besides caring for our two children and keeping the home functioning (and clean!), I'm in charge of the budget, grocery shopping (which I love), taking the kids to and from activities, teaching preschool a few times a month, baking cakes as a side hustle that brings in a bit of money, watching two additional children (for the past 3 months) which brings in a little money, flipping AirB&B rentals which also brings in some money, sporting events for my kids (most recently it's soccer and swimming,) trying to figure out how to balance my Compassionate Service Coordinator calling and the needs of church members, a weekly meet up for playgroup and separately a standing friend playdate, and managing the doctor appointments which have sky rocketed the last few months.
I don't think these lists are more than what the average adult has to deal with. Maybe the extra side jobs of airB&B flips, cakes and child care are a bit more than normal, but to be honest, they all started by wanting to help and serve others.
It's my personal goal to make sure I'm helping to serve someone at least once a week. Thankfully, those opportunities come pretty naturally and almost daily. We also have a family goal to make sure our Saturdays involve some type of service. Whether it be helping someone move, babysitting so a couple can go on a date, cleaning up trash on a nature trail, or going to places like the Arlington Food Assistance Center and helping people get groceries for the week, we try hard to help those around us.
So I guess the cold sore came from a week of total crazy, after months of crazy!
Our less than one year old dishwasher broke
Then our microwave broke.
Then we discovered a bad leak.
First World Problems, right?
The weeks prior were filled to the brim with cake orders, end of the year school activities, sporting events, social engagements and stressful doctors appointments for Haddie and her kidneys and more! Every spare second I had was going to making cakes in-between everything else that is life.
Haddie asked me one day:
"Mom, when you are done working, and you are finished with all the cakes, can we play together."
Totally Broken Heart
Part of me realized that my kids have DEFINITELY noticed how busy we've been lately and I was also touched she wanted to play as a family, and also crushed that my working was overwhelming her.
Too often my girls ask for me to join in on playing with them and I tell them "I Have to get dinner started!" "I have to work on my cakes" or clean or anything!
I have to consciously take time to play with them, which is important.
I feel like if I'm not constantly moving, the parts start to fall apart. If dinner isn't made on time, then baths get pushed back, then bed time is late, then we have cranky kids the next day and so on and so forth....
I know it's ok to work and my kids will be fine. But for me, it was realizing I needed to do better to give them even 10 minutes of my time in a day.
Things last week felt like they were falling apart fast.
I made it to church last Sunday and was so overwhelmed (there were some other issues with the Air B&B side hustle -not my fault- the others miscommunicated and owned up to it.)
I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. I was doing everything to make it look like I had an itch on my cheek or nose so I could wipe away the tears with my tissue. I texted Tyson I was leaving and going home. Luckily we had two cars there and I could drive myself home.
I cried the whole 15 minute drive home.
Ate something, read a few pages of my book and took a nap.
Tyson gave me a hug when he came home for he knew how crazy our life has been.
Monday I was still in a funk but had to keep moving. I'm making it a point to get out at least once a day so me and the girls can do something different during Summer. So far, it's working great. Even when I have to force myself to leave my work at home and stay up later that night to finish it.
I know this is just the beginning of all that life has to throw at us. Especially with my two kids (man, what would it be like with 6 kids!) who like to be involved, play sports, have fun with friends and are involved in church.
Weekends we jam pack with family time.
It's usually running to a sport practice, a birthday party, our Saturday service activity, eating something along the way and usually one family outing.
We come home on Saturday's utterly exhausted and wonder how it is we fit it all in.
Do we do it to ourselves?
Yes, most of it is planning we do because we enjoy sporting events, supporting friends and attending birthdays, being together as a family, oh, and eating. Whether it's packing a lunch along for the ride and grabbing something to eat and go, we figure it out.
Oh I also realized recently how important a good, comfortable, big car is our future. Cause I'm going to be in the car for hours a day!
I already am!!!!!
Our next car will have better seats, more compartments, rear A/C (the most important!) and great gas mileage because who has time to always fill up there gas tank! And will be big enough to take friends to and from whatever with us.
Maybe writing this all will help me remember how easy life was when my kids are 4 and 7.
I wonder what it will look like in 10 years!!
I try not to talk to much about what we have going on but I think I may change that. For the sake of remembering our lives, what we usually did as a family and how we view life, I think I will put a goal to write weekly what our family did on this blog. It used to be my journal for years and I greatly miss it.
I will still do the monthly dump of photos (maybe more?) I don't know! Still trying to figure out how to balance this blog that I love with the fast past life we live. Because who has time to sit down in front of a real computer with a keyboard and type nowadays.
We'll see what happens.
I know you all are busy. Life happens and sometimes all at once, overwhelmingly. I know from this past week that a cold sore and a mental break down are signs for me to take it easy (somehow!)
Here's to a week full of cakes, AirB&B flipping, watching two other kids, helping Tyson work through the stress (where possible), making sure I'm spending time with the kids during this Summer time